We made it, y’all!
Somehow, someway, we spent potentially too many hours on this season of The Bachelorette watching Jenn find her happily ever after. Or did she?
You certainly can’t tell by the utterly ominous tone with which Jesse hosts the first hour, but let’s not jump ahead. We have three (!!!) hours to slog through, so let’s get to it.
After the recap we’ve been seeing since the first week, Jenn telling someone in a tan suit she can’t let them propose, Jesse walks out to a live studio audience ready to see love, tears, heartbreak, and everything in between—all the things you want to take place in front of a live audience, naturally.
He starts things very creepily because we’re about to see something we’ve never seen before, and I shouldn’t believe him, but I do.
Back in Hawaii, Devin and Marcus meet Jenn’s mom, aunt, brother, and best friend, and you can tell they are all skeptical as hell. We’ve heard a lot about Jenn’s past relationships being wildly unhealthy, and it’s obviously taken a toll on her family as well.
When Jenn tells them that only one of the two has said they love her back, you can almost feel the internal eye roll around the room.
The family meets Devin first, and he’s his usual self, which is to say very free in his praise of Jenn, his love for her, and how she makes him feel. But Jenn’s family is unmoved by anything he says, which is ouch for Devin, but one point in the drama column.
When it comes time for Jenn to debrief with mom Trinh, she is just not feeling any of this. And respect to her because she doesn’t care what this show is supposed to be about. Jenn is her daughter, and she won’t put on an act because there’s a camera in her face.
Give us more, Trinh!
Back in Los Angeles, Dylan (my favorite), Jeremy, and Jonathon are there for some reason. When Jesse checks in with them, Jonathon says he heard “rumors” and wants to be there for Jenn to support her, while Jeremy says he also wants to support the guys.
Now, what goes on here? I get they need to keep people invested for all three (!!!) hours, but I’m starting to feel baited and annoyed.
This final reveal better be on Arie and Becca levels of making me want to scream at my television.
Back to Jenn and James, they talk things out, and much like the rest of his family, he’s not here for anything Devin is selling. And even more than that, he doesn’t give Devin his blessing when he asks privately, and I kind of feel bad for the guy.
He thought he would schmooze these people, but he somehow did the opposite in a spectacular fashion.
Jenn bids him farewell while also telling him not to get in his head, but good luck with that, my guy!
Next, Jesse sets up another plug for that show about Mormons and has Hakeem sit awkwardly between two couples when he should be sitting with his boys. He’s also nervous, and I swear if they don’t stop with all this foreboding!
I’ve already resigned myself to giving up my whole Monday evening. It’s enough!
With Devin back at the hotel, presumably, Marcus shows up to meet Jenn’s family, and they already feel some way about him, which is more than obvious and not entirely wrong.
They know he’s not in love with Jenn, and while they can appreciate his sincerity in talking about his past, it doesn’t tell them much about what he feels about Jenn or their relationship.
During Marcus’s conversation with James, he does that thing where he dances around every question and looks down at the ground, and that stuff will not fly with Mr. James! He’s been there and done that with Jenn’s exes, and he’s TIRED.
Then Ms. Trinh talks with Marcus, and she’s even less impressed with him than she was with Devin. Is there a real future between Jenn and either of these dudes when her family is so BLAH about both of them?
When Jenn talks things out with James, it’s clear that he sees Marcus as an amalgamation of all her exes and needs her to see it, too. Their chat is by far the saddest thing we see to this point because you can tell there is so much sibling love there.
It helps to see James in the cutout crying in Los Angeles, too.
Before Jenn and Marcus split, she again asks him to tell her how he feels about ANYTHING, but he continues to talk without saying much. It’s not the same way Sam M. talks to talk, but Marcus has a way of droning on so much that you forget the original question.
It would be impressive if it weren’t infuriating.
We next get another audience check-in with Jesse. This time, James tells us he’s not happy, and OH MY GOD, WE GET IT! Something is about to go down, probably at 10:55 pm EST.
Jenn and Devin have their final date in Hawaii, and it’s sweet. These two love getting deep and engaging in the cultures of the places they visit, so they participate in a Hawaiian spiritual ceremony, which has them ditching the past and looking to the future together.
It’s so obvious Jenn will choose Devin, but what the hell has everyone in Los Angeles FUMING?!
The night date with Devin and Jenn is more of the same. They love each other; Devin gives Jenn a gift, Devin trusts her, and they kiss.
Again, Jenn is choosing Devin, so when do we get the Marcus dumping?
Well, not until after a plug for Doctor Odyssey, that’s for sure. (Side note: I will be covering Doctor Odyssey here at TV Fanatic, so come back this season!)
On the day of the date with Marcus, Jenn is confused, and she decides to get answers right from the source instead of plastering on a smile all day with a man she’s quickly losing hope in.
There have been a lot of hotel conversations this season, and this one has another bumbling man and a woman who wants someone to stand the hell up and fight for her and their relationship.
And that’s just too much to ask these men.
Marcus drops an L-bomb during their chat, but it’s too little, too late because he says he wants to try it with her in the same breath.
Excuse me?
It was probably tough for Jenn to recognize that Marcus was giving her the same energy she’d gotten in the past, but she got there. And it was truly time.
Cut to Los Angeles, where Marcus is now with Jesse and still has little to say of substance. He insists he wasn’t living up to what she needed, and then Jenn comes out, and they are polite enough for people who once said they loved each other.
One thing about Jenn is that she sticks to what she feels. She doesn’t backtrack or act like things with Marcus were different than how they appeared. Their relationship was what it was, but she checked out from fantasy suites on, and that’s a wrap on Marcus.
Now, it’s time for the obligatory ring shopping with Devin, and then we get what I assume is what we’ve never seen before…Jenn is proposing to Devin!
You may be asking why, as I am, but I mean, is it good for her? She’s talking about choosing herself, but I feel sick to my stomach because the way the people in that audience are angry means something nasty is about to transpire.
And right on cue, Jesse tells us we won’t see that proposal, and my stomach hurts!
Jenn comes out after crying backstage, and she spends a good minute crying onstage in total silence, which is incredibly heartbreaking.
I’ve seen a lot of Bachelor dumpings and mess on the live shows, but this one is up there with one of the WORST.
Jenn tells us in detail that Devin is a horrendous human being who switched up the second they left Hawaii. She’s been fighting for their relationship for months. She details him basically saying he didn’t love her anymore and regretted getting engaged, culminating in him breaking up with her over the phone.
You have got to be kidding me.
I have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok, and flat-out deceived (in my Stephen A. Smith voice!)
I could have seen Marcus doing something like this (sorry, not sorry), but DEVIN? I feel sick that I defended him when it was all lies and propaganda!
By the time they even bring Devin out, you can tell that room in Los Angeles, which was already hot, is literally scorching. And Devin does himself no favors by stammering anytime he’s made to explain himself.
The Devin on the show and the Devin during those final segments were not the same person. He was so confident and sure of himself on the show, but he had absolutely nothing to say when confronted with his inconsiderate post-show behavior.
I’m sorry, but Devin gives his version of ‘it’s me, not you,’ and Jenn and I both see through it the minute he starts talking.
Oh, Jenn is a stronger woman than me because I would have refused to sit on that couch with a man who broke off our engagement via a phone call. Not even a Facetime!
I know this is a show, and they want to milk the drama, but in what universe is it okay to still show the proposal with both of them sitting there watching? This is emotional warfare.
It’s hard to even tune into what’s being said during the dual proposals when you know one side is a fraud.
This season was historic and had so much potential. Instead, it ends with Jenn getting a redo of all her past relationships, with the added bonus of all of America tuning in to watch things crash and burn.
Jesse does what he can to hype Jenn up when it’s all over, but it’s all so incredibly awkward, and Jenn did not deserve any of this! She deserved a better group of men fighting for her.
She deserved better from EVERYONE.
I need three showers to rinse the stink of those last forty-five minutes off me.
I feel so badly for Jenn, and not even the cute Golden Bachelor plug to cap off the evening can undo the damage.
Thanks for following along this season! I’m still in shock that this is where we are, but if there’s one thing to expect from this ABC staple at this point, it’s something happening that will piss you off.
Please leave me a comment below with your reactions to what transpired. I can’t wait to hear what everyone thinks!