Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are headed for divorce. After spending a summer apart amid rumors of a split, the rumors finally turned out to be true last month.
While the second time around at first appeared to be the storybook relationship for Affleck and Lopez that many fans had dreamed of, it’s now clear that whatever prevented the couple from getting together the first time around was perhaps still an issue the second time around, which leads many fans to ask the question: just what happened?
While we certainly don’t know the answer, a couples therapist, Landis Bejar, who is not and has not treated the couple, spoke with Business Insider about what may have been at play in this case. It’s been suggested by some that the couple got back together in an attempt to find closure from their relationship the first time around. Bejar suggests that without closure it’s possible to even look back on a failed relationship in a positive light. She explained…
Even if you’re clear on why it ended, it’s still possible to look back with rose-colored glasses. You’re romanticizing or idealizing that time.
Bejar suggests that Affleck and Lopez may not have reflected on the reasons for the breakup and how each of them may have contributed to it. As a result, the issues that led to the split the first time eventually repeated themselves, bringing the couple back to the same place. Bejar continued…
If you haven’t given it a really honest look of what they did and what you did to contribute to the ending of the relationship, then you will be at risk for recreating those same dynamics.
While closure is a valid goal, the therapist says there’s a “myth” surrounding it, which is that it requires the other person to achieve it. Closure is, according to Bejar, about accepting the end of the relationship, understanding why it ended, and moving on, and none of that actually requires reconnecting with the other party. Bejar said…
Oftentimes, we’re seeking this closure conversation, that postgame breakdown of what happened. But that myth of closure is that you need the other person to have a conversation with. The three components that I talked about are all possible through your own personal work, and therapy is an excellent space for that.
Neither Affleck or Lopez has spoken publicly about the divorce, so we don’t know how much, if at all, closure played into the relationship or its conclusion. Lopez was the one who filed for divorce, doing so without a lawyer. Whether that means the decision to split started with her is unclear.
Whether this recent split was caused by the same things that caused the first, or something entirely new, at this point all fans of either star can hope is that Affleck and Lopez will get closure and be able to move on.