Warning: SPOILERS for Nosferatu are ahead!
Nosferatu is one of the most acclaimed horror movies in recent memory, and I’m certainly one of the people singing its praises alongside CinemaBlend’s own Nosferatu review. I was captivated by how well-done the movie is, especially as someone largely familiar with the character due to SpongeBob Squarepants. That said, I fear this movie is “cooked,” as the younger generation may say, because I think it’s ripe for parody when Scary Movie 6 comes around.
The Wayans Brothers are penning the next movie, and the general expectation is the franchise is going to make a big comeback with the original creators back in charge. No doubt they’re going to be looking to modern movies to parody, and I can think of no better candidate than Nosferatu given how well it links up in three areas with stuff the Wayans like to poke fun at.
Count Orlok’s Voice is Ripe For Parody
The first time Bill Skarsgård spoke during the contract scene in Nosferatu, I immediately thought of Scary Movie. This isn’t to say the actor did a poor job; he did phenomenally well in the role. It’s a voice that is hauntingly dark and chilling for the genre of the movie, and it makes an objectively terrifying character that much scarier.
But imagine, if you will, if in those long pauses where we hear his rattling breath, he’s farting instead? Just cutting grave-rattling brown notes from between his centuries-old cheeks whilst conversing with an individual. Hey, people younger than Count Orlok pass gas without shame mid-conversation. It’s wild to think he wouldn’t do the same.
Of course, something like that would never happen in Nosferatu. While the vampire is meant to be as revolting as he is horrifying, working in something like flatulence is well beyond the line of horror. This is where Scary Movie comes in, where a scene from The Exorcist can be molded into a weird scene involving goat eyes and penetration.
The number of ludicrous things Count Orlok could say with that voice could fill a book, and there’s another outlet for comedy should Scary Movie 6 try to bring the character to life. Hell, I daresay the gags that would come from playing on the character’s heavy accent and low voice would be enough to at least knock this upcoming parody movie into the upper echelon of Wayans Brothers movies. I don’t know if it’ll be enough to make it the best, the first two movies are as good as it gets.
The Movie’s Overtly Sexual Themes Paralell With Where The Wayans Thrive With Comedy
Re-watch the first two Scary Movies with a Paramount+ subscription, and it’s clear that the bulk of the comedy lies in jokes involving sex. Even if you scrub away some of the jokes that I daresay would be a bit too problematic for 2024, Brenda is telling Ray all the wild things she’s going to do to him during sex, which makes me laugh every time I see it.
Now let’s look at Nosferatu, which is a far more sexually-charged movie than I ever imagined it would be. That said, the erotic scenes that are featured are quite horrific and largely the stuff of nightmares as Count Orlok’s drooling and decrepit body feasts on the blood of his victims in quite a provocative manner. It’s hard to watch and a bit terrifying, which is, I’m sure, exactly what Robert Eggers‘ goal was when he made those scenes a “gory mess.”
The best thing about the Wayans Brothers is they’re also masters when it comes to comedy that is also disgusting. Remember that scene from Scary Movie 2 where Cindy and Buddy are locked in the freezer? For those that don’t, let’s say there are a lot of fluids distributed, and I’ll leave it at that.
I don’t think you need a ton of imagination to think about the various ways Nosferatu‘s sex scenes can be made even more disgusting or hilarious. If I can think of about three different scenarios off the top of my head, I can only imagine what the two brothers are thinking as they continue to develop this movie. I would be shocked if we get Scary Movie 6, and there’s no reference to Nosferatu in it.
Willem Dafoe’s Performance Is Fantastic, But Also Great For Moving Along A Plot
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Willem Dafoe performance that I didn’t like, but he’s especially electric in Nosferatu. He plays the role of an eccentric doctor who might have a few screws loose perfectly, and it’s made better by the fact that his theories about what is plaguing the village are 100% on-point throughout the movie. He’s one of the reasons critics called this movie “horrifically brilliant” and why I’m a bit bummed out that there’s likely no shot we’ll get a follow-up to this horror classic.
If Scary Movie 6 needs someone like Chris Elliott’s Hanson to be there to hold the plot together, I would think there’s no better horror figure to parody for the movie than Dafoe’s professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz. The name itself is just begging to be parodied and could be twisted in any way for comedy’s sake.
I don’t really have anyone specific in mind to play a parody version of Von Franz, though Charlie Sheen feels like he’d be a good fit for the role. It has to be someone who can give a performance that is both gravely serious and chaotic. I’m not sure someone like Nicolas Cage would do Scary Movie 6, so Sheen is my next best choice.
As mentioned, I have no idea if Scary Movie 6 will parody Nosferatu, but I would be shocked if the Wayans don’t see the potential in doing so as they prepare for their big return to the franchise. All I can say for certain is I’ll 100% be seated in a theater to watch if they do.