For the first time since penning a lengthy statement about her decision, Feist has discussed her departure from Arcade Fire’s tour following allegations of sexual misconduct against frontman Win Butler. In a new interview with The Irish Times, she recounted what was running through her head while playing the first two tour dates as an opener, both of which were in Ireland. 

“I was having an out-of-body experience,” Feist told the newspaper. “Not to mention, I had brought all of these new songs. I thought, ‘Okay, maybe I’ll go do this tour and workshop how to play these songs in a bigger context.’” All proceeds from Feist’s merchandise sales at both shows were donated to Women’s Aid Dublin, an organization dedicated to stopping domestic violence across Ireland.

“It took me until the second show where all of the practical discomfort of having to dismantle this crazy machine and fold it back up and lose what I had invested in being there [on tour]… The whole thing was made so clear to me. I couldn’t continue,” said Feist. “It was like, actually, no… ‘I can’t avoid my responsibility here.’ Not to mention every word that came out of my mouth, I was hearing through an ear that wasn’t my own. I was hearing how twisted and skewed… In the context they were in, the songs weren’t safe. And neither was I… It was deeply difficult.”

Multitudes, Feist’s first new album in six years and the follow-up to her 2017 full-length Pleasure, is out April 14 via Interscope. In addition to “Borrow Trouble,” it also includes the singles “Hiding Out in the Open,” “In Lightning,” and “Love Who We Are Meant To.” Next month, she will embark on a North American tour to celebrate the album’s release.

Revisit “Hard Feelings: A Conversation With Feist.”